Long absence

I have wanted to update this blog for a long time.

You see, when I established this blog, I didn't just want it to be a story about me. I wanted it to be a story about someone bigger, someone better, someone who was perfect. I wanted this blog to be an encouragement to people who read it; to stimulate their thoughts abit; to share my insights and revelations of what I was learning in my life; to let people know that there was hope out there. I wanted it to be a testimony of my life with Jesus.

Over the past few months, so much has happened, and I felt no encouragement to write at all. I had many ideas floating around my head, but for some reason I didn't manage to put it in writing.

A friend once asked me, "Why haven't you updated your blog for so long?".

I replied "Hmm... I only want to write intellectually stimulating stuff on my blog, not the usual day to day ramblings. I put quite a bit of thought before each post, so it takes some time. Else I won't write anything."

I'm somehow surprised with my own response. Perhaps I'm contradicting myself now. Cause I really don't have much to write about this time round.

I've been down in the dumps for a while now. It was like my whole life came to a complete halt; nothing else mattered. How can I encourage people now? At times, I felt that I myself need the encouragement. I felt like the Psalmist in Psalms 88:

O Lord, the God who saves me,
day and night I cry out before you.
May my prayer come before you;
turn your ear to my cry.

For my soul is full of trouble
and my life draws near the grave.
I am counted among those who go down to the pit;
I am like a man without strength.

I am set apart with the dead,
like the slain who lie in the grave,
whom you remember no more,
who are cut off from your care. (v.1-5)

I am confined and cannot escape;
my eyes are dim with grief.
I call to you, O Lord, every day;
I spread out my hands to you. (v.8-9)

But I cry to you for help, O Lord;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.
Why, O Lord, do you reject me
and hide your face from me? (v.13-14)

I used to wonder why some Psalms were quite depressing. They seemed somewhat negative as well. But they are in the Bible, that is for sure. Why are they there? Has anyone given thought about it? Maybe it was there cause there were times where God's people went through extreme difficulties as well. They suffered, and felt that God was far, especially when terror struck. Maybe they even fell to depression, I don't know.

Here is what I think. It was put there, just cause God knew I would need to read those scriptures at a certain point in my life. He knew that when I was depressed and wasn't in my 100% faith speaking mountain moving mode, I would still find encouragement knowing godly people have gone through bad times before. He knew, that I would read these scriptures, and know that God is able to relate to my feelings, right there, right then, right now.

You know what? I'm encouraged knowing that the Bible actually spoke of how I was feeling. It was like....I felt that God was still able to relate with me.... to cry with me, to embrace me; even when I wasn't full of faith. You see friends, it is His faithfulness that pulls us through anyway. It's all about Jesus and His finished work.... His faithfulness.

The living, the living - they praise you,
as I am doing today;
fathers tell their children
about your faithfulness

(Isaiah 38:19 NIV)

I guess God has encouraged me again. Hope this does the trick for those out there who feels that God can't relate and is far away. He can relate after all.